I couldnt deny the sadness, disappointment of everything had happened before. It keeps coming back. I thought I'm over it. But even the smallest thing remind me of how people are able to do anything to get what they want despite of any resistances. Looking back on how things crumbled and how this particular person walk away as if nothing happens. It hurts so bad. Its like you dont know the whole thing and you keep rewinding the event and you making up stories in your head to fill in the blank which they insisted not to let you know. And you keep on asking why and what is actually going on. As for me, knowing everything and hurt so bad is better than left with nothing. Because you cant move on until you know why, and whats the reason of all the actions taken.
I need to be able to control my emotion, my own life because letting others doing this, all this to me is driving me crazy. They had fun together and left me with madness. But i believe, Allah itu maha adil, and what goes around, comes around. So let just wait and see. Its not karma, but we know even in Islam, evertyhing you do has the consequences. May happiness will always be with you.